


Love, We Need It Now

by wouldratherbeaunicorn



Series: When Skies Are Grey [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Larry is a good dad, Sibling Rivalry, baby connor!au, evans the Best Brother, kind of?, zoe is gonna get there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 14:10:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15121121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wouldratherbeaunicorn/pseuds/wouldratherbeaunicorn
Summary: He was just an annoyance. An idea. Nothing real. He didn’t matter until she was holding him.Or: Connor’s born two weeks early and Zoe writes a song.





	Love, We Need It Now

Pinterest was fun. It wasn’t giving her any information on how to decoupage her guitar case, but it was fun. It took her mind off of Evan and his dumb instructions. It took her mind off of her parents and their _dumb_ baby.

Who in the world waits fifteen years to have another child? Cynthia and Larry Murphy, that's who. If Zoe's being completely serious, she finds the whole thing insane.

And kind of disgusting.

I mean, who wants to think about their parents having sex? Not Zoe Murphy. Especially not when that sex led to babies. Or. Baby.

One baby. A boy, someone to carry on the Murphy name. Except she had cousins for that. There was absolutely no reason Larry and Cynthia needed another child. Zoe was perfect! Or, at least, that's what everyone thought.

And yet here they were. With a fifteen-year-old and a baby due any day now.

It was really jacking up Zoe's life. Baby stuff was _everywhere,_ because apparently her mother was nesting. Which meant that Zoe was folding burp cloths during any extra time she possessed.

She spent a lot of time at Evan's house during the last few weeks. Just because the anxiety level in her house was insane. The anxiety level in his house was insane, too, but it was a different type of anxiety.

His anxiety involved talking to the pizza delivery man, which Zoe was happy to take over doing, and her anxiety involved staring at her younger brother's room and trying to picture a screaming, squirming, ball of poop and spit-up. Evan wasn't very eager to help.

Although he did offer many helpful tips, about holding babies, and burping them, feeding them, changing their diaper. His own little sister had arrived the year before, and he’d been gone the whole summer “bonding”.

“Swaddling, Zoe, is like making a burrito. You have to tuck the bottom so nothing gets out, and tuck the sides under so the arms don't move.”

Zoe nodded from her spot in his (her) bean bag chair, not bothering to watch at all. Evan plucked her phone out of her hands.

“Pay attention.”

Zoe flipped herself upside down, glaring at him as her socked feet thudded against his wall.

“Look, you're sweet. But I couldn't care less. The baby and I are fifteen years apart. We aren't going to be hanging out. I don't need to know this stuff.”

She snatched her phone back, continuing the never-ending scroll through her Pinterest feed. A picture of matching mother-son overalls came up, and she swiped it away angrily.

“Uh-huh,” Evan smirked. “Fine. But don't come crawling to me when your newborn brother is crying and you can't swaddle him.”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “He isn't supposed to be here for two more weeks. I have plenty of time to learn.”

Connor Nathaniel Murphy was born two days later, on October 9, at exactly four in the afternoon.

Evan grinned at Zoe the whole time. “Babies are unpredictable, Zo. You gotta realize that.”

“If you're gonna be all uppity, then you can stop calling me ‘Zo',” she scowled, copying his Algebra homework.

“Oh, don't be all pouty. You have a brother! That's a super exciting thing!”

As if awaiting his cue, Larry entered, grinning so wide his eyes were invisible. “Come on back, guys. Come meet him.”

They hurriedly stuff their things into their backpacks and follow him down the twisty pathway to a single room, where a very tired person resembling Zoe's mother is sitting up, eyeing a bundle in her arms.

She sighed when she saw Zoe and Evan, and Zoe found her feet moving her closer than she thought she wanted to be.

The baby was asleep, and so wrinkly. His mouth was puckered, as if he was trying to suck on something, and his hair was blonde and curly and thick, the exact opposite of what Zoe's had been (fine, brown, straight as a stick). He moved, suddenly, and Zoe jumped back, bumping into her friend.

“Do you want to hold him?” Cynthia asked, and Zoe paused. Did she? She didn't know.

Suddenly, she was trying to recall Evan's lessons. She was supposed to support the head, of course, but was it okay if his legs dangled? Were they supposed to be tucked in, like his arms? What if he moved?

She stared at the boy, who nodded slightly, before holding out her arms expectantly. Evan facepalmed.

Cynthia sighed. “No, just. Act like you're carrying a watermelon. Raise your elbow a bit. Yeah, there you go. Here he is…”

She set the infant in Zoe's arms carefully, and adjusted her a bit before watching her children.

Zoe bit her lip in concentration, getting a feel for the baby. He was pretty cute, up close. And _tiny_. But still a solid weight. Her arms got tired after a bit, but she didn't really want to give him back.

Mainly because she was sure she’d trip in the transfer or something, and wouldn't that be sucky!

“Do you like him?” Cynthia asked.

“Do I have a choice?” Zoe replied, and it came out snappier than she wanted. But Zoe was never very good at apologies, so the room just went silent.

Larry cleared his throat. “Um. Evan. Would you like to hold him? And maybe Zoe and I, we can go for a bit of a walk? I need to carry some things up from the car.”

The boy grinned and nodded, taking the baby from Zoe so quickly that she barely knew what was happening, before shooing her out the door.

Once she was gone, he smiled at the baby, shaking his head. “That was just your sister Zoe. Don't worry, she'll end up being your biggest fan. And you can always count on her for protection. And me. I'm Evan, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

He bumped the baby's tiny fist. Connor gave him a smile.

 

“I know what you’re gonna say,” Zoe pouted, arms crossed and eyes defiant.

Larry simply glanced at her, pressing the elevator button. “And what’s that?”

“That I have to like Connor.”

Her father shook his head, staying silent for a few seconds, and Zoe got a stricken look on her face.

“You don’t have to like Connor. We both know that you don’t have to do anything unless _you_ make yourself. But Zoe, your mother and I would like you to get along with your brother. I mean, he hasn’t done anything wrong. Do you want him to grow up thinking his big sister hates him just for being born?”

Zoe sighed, and they made their way outside to the car, Larry unlocking it and handing Zoe a diaper bag. She shouldered it violently, and her father gave her a _Look._

“He’ll barely even remember me living at the house, ‘cause I’ll be at college by the time he’s four.”

Larry shook his head. “That’s not entirely true, and that’s not the point… Zoe, are you jealous of him?”

The girl looked as if she’d been slapped in the face, her cheeks turning red with anger and her eyes getting dark. “Why would I be jealous of something that was literally born hours ago?”

They were back in the hospital now, staring at each other. Larry realized something that Zoe didn’t, and suddenly he was guiding her roughly towards the side of the hall.

 _“Zoe_. Your brother isn’t a thing. He isn’t a concept. He’s a person. Connor is a living, breathing human. He’s developing feelings, and right now is one of the most important moments of his life. He’s bonding with people, he’s learning what love is. He knows that his parents give him love, and Evan gives him love. But if you don’t interact with him, he’s not gonna know what his sister’s love is.”

Zoe glared at him, refusing to let him think he was actually getting to her.

“Zoe, I love you. You have a beautiful heart, and so much love to offer. And we all know it. So I don’t know why you’re refusing to give your brother that love.”

He held his hand out for the bag, and she thrust it over, scowling at the wall.

“Are you gonna come up?”

Zoe nodded, silent.

The elevator ride up to the maternity ward was. Irritating. Her father had just tore her a new one in front of all of the ER nurses, and now they all probably thought she was a horrible sister. Which she was. Her eyes were burning and her throat was tight and she didn’t know what to do with it. Also, she knew what she had to do, she just really didn’t want to do it.

Evan was still holding Connor when she walked in, but he stood up when he saw her, let Larry guide her into the recliner, and set Connor into her arms.

“Connor and your mom and I were just talking about you,” Evan smirked.

“Oh, really?” Zoe rolled her eyes, before looking into Connor’s. He rolled them, and she knew it was probably just some baby thing, but it made her laugh. “Connor and I both think you’re ridiculous.”

Evan stuck his tongue out at her, moving to stand beside Larry.

Zoe frowned at the line of people watching her, and they all looked away, but she knew that they’d all turn back towards her in no time. She focused on her brother.

“So, uh. My name’s Zoe. I’m your sister. I like music, and… I don’t know, I’m like, a little bit fucked in the head.”

Larry sighed in frustration.

“Just a little bit! Only a little. I’m just saying, though. I do tend to practice my guitar at two in the morning. Although, you could be up then. My little jam buddy.”

Connor grinned, his hand reaching out and grasping the top of her shirt to hold on to. Zoe smiled. “Cool. I’m gonna, like, give you back to our mom now. Cynthia. She’s pretty cool most of the time. Larry’s alright, too. Evan’s a nerd, so I think you’ll get along alright. Especially considering you’ll probably need glasses, with how your eyes are all cross-eyed right now. Nerd.”

Larry picked up the baby and gave him back to Cynthia as Evan glared at his best friend. “You hoe. I’m a _loser_ , not a nerd. And _you_ have glasses. Your logic doesn’t make sense.”

“You and I both know I only wear my glasses when it is absolutely needed. Fuck off.”

Cynthia gasped, and Larry pointed at his daughter. “Language!”

Evan went on, undeterred. “Zoe, you’re practically blind! You just wear contacts all the time! And you have a lisp, which just doubles the nerd factor. I’m less of a nerd than you.”

The girl shot out of her chair, gaining on her best friend. Her voice was, like, an octave lower than usual, but there was a definite smile on her lips. “You promised to never make fun of my lisp!”

“When, idiot?!”

“Kindergarten, idiot!”

“Guys!” Larry put a well meaning hand on both of their shirts and pulled the laughing teens apart. “Quiet, please.”

They collapsed into each other, laughing so hard their stomachs hurt. Cynthia shushed them, pointing to the baby. The newborn was quiet, and Zoe got close to his face. He watched her.

“So, are you gonna be one of those babies who poop all the time, or…”

Connor merely grinned as a funky smell started drifting towards Zoe.

“Oh, fuck you, too.”

 

“You wrote your brother a song?”

Cynthia dabbed at her eyes from her spot on the couch, and Zoe moved the baby from his car seat to the pillow right in front of her, picking up her guitar before frowning.

“It isn't that big of a deal,” she grumbled, strumming her guitar haphazardly. Connor sighed.

“No, Zoe, it’s… sweet.”

Zoe doesn’t know why she was so nervous. The baby was literally three days old. He wasn’t gonna care about any of this. Connor wasn't gonna care that his older sister wrote him a song that she spent _a lot_ of time over, despite it being, at most, a cute summertime bop.

 _Sentiment_ , she reasoned with herself. _So his homecoming was cute_. She played the opening chords, and Connor stared at her, eyes unusually wide.

_“I’ve been trying to do it right._  
_I’ve been living a lonely life._  
_I’ve been sleeping here instead._  
_I’ve been sleeping in my bed, sleeping in my bed.”_

Her father was recording her. She continued, for Connor.

_“So show me family,_  
_All the blood that I will bleed._  
_I don’t know where I belong,_  
_I don’t know where I went wrong._  
_But I can write a song._

_I belong with you, you belong with me._  
_You’re my sweetheart.”_

Connor scratched at his face, thankfully protected by the tiny grey mittens that looked comically large on him.

He belonged with her. And she belonged with him. That’s what siblings were for, right?

(No, but really, will someone tell her? Zoe doesn’t actually know what siblings are for.)

**Author's Note:**

> Song is obviously not Zoe’s. It is the wonderful, overplayed ‘Ho Hey’ by the Lumineers. (Zoe likes them. Evan despises them.) let’s pretend for the sake of the fic that Zoe wrote the song.
> 
> Catch me on tumblr at @the-second-to-last-jedi


End file.
